you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You took a bar mat shot.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
