I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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