So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
