When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
