i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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