i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
