we have officially lost it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
