"it" just moved
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
