don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
