Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize