Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
