He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
MIDGETS
????
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
