when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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