Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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