can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
