also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
