When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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