Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You smell like stripper and shame
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
