I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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