remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
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