You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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