My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
