I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
