If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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