it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
