I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize