the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
