I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Need sex. Gaining weight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
