She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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