don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
