please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
