she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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