my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
