Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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