ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
