census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
