PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
