considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
