I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
