I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
