Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
