he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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