I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
