it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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