Your face is a jimmy john
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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