I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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