I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
