he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
