he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
