Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
