This is not my ceiling
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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