I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
