...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
