just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just pee around me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
