Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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