I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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