My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
