I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize
