Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
