using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
