i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.Â
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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