I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
