bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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