Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
