how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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