Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
