i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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