Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Dick very happy bro
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize