Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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