he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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