oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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