that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize