last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
