be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
