If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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